eucleia | I'm breaking my personal protocol, he deserves it

And on top of that, tetsu's getting married.

But I can't even rant, or call him a hyprocite because he never said he definately wasn't going to marry. I'm a little steamed because of it. And here I thought there was at least someone else in the world who had the same thoughts as me. Well, at least in tetsugaku I had the same thoughts. This would be the first time I've been blindsided.

Proof, like in Eva, the words of Gendo Ikari to his son, Shinji: "Don't try to think we can understand each other. For some reason people think they can do that. Remember that they can't. Never completely. Never enough. People....are such sad creatures."

I prefer to take heed in his words just prior to that extract. "People only live by their own strength. Only infants need parents....and you are no longer an infant. Stand on your own two feet, and walk. I learned to do the same."

I will. Thank you, Gendo.

Please think about him, although you never knew him...

I break my own personal protocol of not revealing whose funeral I have/will be going to. Too many in the past three years: 8. Another will be added, since I will speak about him now. That will bring it to 9 by the end of this week. And possilbly 11, by the time Christmas or New Year comes. Both cancer for the last two.

This isn't even an exaggeration. I am grateful, that I am still here, but I've never been the type to keep many friends. And when they all start leaving, one by one... You get the picture.

The person I'm going to talk about was my dear friend, who took a wrong turn in his life, but made all the way back to where he wanted to be, all on his own.

You see, he was taking hard drugs. He knew it was wrong. He KNEW he had to quit.

His own parents kicked him out of the house.

We're a small group now. "Go to rehab," we said. But at rehab they wean you off drugs. He was too badly hooked. He knew he would never make it clean there.

So he did it on his own.

Cut them straight out.

I cannot explain to you here how hard it was for him.

To cut a long story short, two weeks later, for I have no words to describe it: he made it.

One of the last things he said to me: "You know, I feel so proud, you know?"

Yeah, I know...

His parents welcomed him back with tears in their eyes.

We thought he was cold that morning. Fuck sakes, we thought he was cold. It's COLD over here.

And then he keeled over, right in the kitchen.

He was freezing, but what was the second-last thing he said to me? While he was on the god-damned floor? Not worrying about himself, no.

"Hiu, your hands are cold, you should put something on."

You idiot. I'm ALWAYS cold, you should know that by now.

The last thing he said is private.

But I watched his eyes fade out.

And all the while, we were screaming, "Don't die."

Stay awake...

And it was "DOA" at the hospital.

Everyone here has to know, he MADE it. He made it only to die of a fucking heart-attack. The doctor said his body couldn't handle the shock of the sudden cut-off.

But everyone here needs to know that.

He made it.

That's all.

I've never known anyone braver, or stronger, than he was.

Sleep well.